


Keep Your Fork

by Mina Lightstar (ukefied)



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen, Other, spoilers for the Mitsuba arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-17
Updated: 2007-10-17
Packaged: 2017-10-09 16:57:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/89635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukefied/pseuds/Mina%20Lightstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okita, Kagura, and their bizarre relationship.  Or possibly just a bunch of stupid gags strung together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Your Fork

Even Sakata Gintoki fidgets nervously under the piercing glare of their latest client. "So you see, your priceless fine china has been returned to you as promised." He indicates the satchel on the ground. It's fairly obvious that what was once china is now a pile of broken glass.

The man removes the cigarette from his mouth and exhales smoke all over the Yorozuya's self-proclaimed leader. "If you were professionals," he growled, "I would complain to your superiors and have you fired. As you aren't," he goes on, voice rising louder with every word, "I'm going to have to settle for telling you to GET OFF MY PROPERTY BEFORE I KILL YOU!"

"What a choice!" Shinpachi explains, and turns to flee. Gintoki and Kagura are already thirty paces ahead of him.

"Kagura, this is all your fault," Gintoki yells over his shoulder. "Why did you have to drop the bag?!"

"And then jump on it?!" Shinpachi adds, catching up to them.

"I was MAD!" Kagura snaps, because it's true, she was. "People -- people _do things_ when they're mad!"

"Couldn't you have done something other than ruin our entire job?!" Shinpachi shrieks. Shinpachi is such a girl.

Still, it hurts. "NO!" she screams, and puts more effort into her strides, leaving her fellow freelancers in the dust.

***

So Kagura thinks, maybe she has a bit of a temper. It's still not fair to blame everything on her. "I'm not the only reason we don't have any money!" she insists, stamping her foot.

"So noisy," Gintoki says, turning a page in his magazine. "You aren't. You're just the reason we don't have any money right _now_. You could at least feel contrite."

"Terrible," Shinpachi almost-sniffles as he floats across the living room with a broom. Even though he technically lives with his sister, Shinpachi spends an awful lot of time cleaning Gin-chan's house. "At this rate, there is no money for _rice_."

_Shounen Jump_ falls from Gintoki's lax grip. "Chocolate parfait? Strawberry milk?"

"Afraid not."

"No," Gin chokes out. "_No._" Then, a dark glare in Kagura's direction.

She wants to pretend she doesn't notice, but she's never been one to back down. "Shut your stupid face! So what if I messed up? I'm s-s-s--Sadaharu! Let's get out of here." With as ferocious a glare as she can muster, Kagura and her alien pet march out of Gintoki's flat.

She's not sure where she's going, only that she can't stand the thought of living with a sugarless Gin-chan until they get another job.

***

Hijikata Toshiro returns the demonic stare with a glare of his own. The effect is lost on the sleeping captain, though. Toshiro sighs grumpily and folds his arms.

"Sougo. Get up."

"Why? Are we fighting?" the drowsy officer asks, straightening and pulling off his sleeping mask.

"Why aren't you practicing your forms with the others?"

"Well, someone has to guard the veranda." Sougo pockets his mask and gives Toshiro a lazy smile. "Am I still making rounds for Tanabata?" he asks.

Grudgingly, Toshiro admits, "Yes. But absolutely _no_ playing around."

A toss of the head. "You're cruel, Hijikata-san. As if I would ever sidestep my duty for a couple of hours of foolery."

"... I mean it, Sougo. No explosions."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

Toshiro is not convinced, but neither does he feel like bargaining for Sougo's word of honor. "Well, just remember to keep a lower profile. We want the public to see us in the streets, but we don't want to stop any of the fun, either." He tries not to think of last year's Tanabata -- of the megaphones and the marching and the yelling....

Really, Toshiro should be going with the Tanabata squad, but he just _can't_; his favorite drama is on tonight.

***

_"And under the hot afternoon sun, generous volunteers work side-by-side with the city crew ensuring that the preparations for this year's Tanabata are complete for the evening."_

Kagura pauses in the middle of the street, earning a sharp word from the person following her -- which goes unnoticed because Sadaharu swallows the words along with the man. "Tanabata?" she echoes. "That sounds familiar." She turns toward the television sets on display in the store window and watches the news anchor.

_"Let's head over to where it's all happening with our trusty field reporter Ketsuno. Are you there, Ketsuno-ana? Ketsuno-ana?"_ The image shifts to a wooded area just outside Edo, to Gin's ever-lasting crush.

"Oh, I know where that is," Kagura points out, recognizing the small forest.

_"Yes, Ketsuno here. As you can see behind me, the festival grounds are already bursting with activity! In under an hour, everything will be set up and wishers will be able to hang their hearts's desires from the trees! May the power of the stars grant your wish!"_

This catches Kagura's ears. "Sadaharu, did you hear that? Wishes come true during this festival?" Sadaharu whimpers, and Kagura laments, crestfallen, "Well, yeah, you're right. If wishes came true, why hasn't Gin-chan or Shinpachi ever wished they were rich or something?" Just as abruptly, her resolve strengthens. "But Shinpachi is stupid and Gin-chan is lazy! That could be why!" She turns to her giant pet, who spits out the pedestrian and tries to look innocent. "Come on, Sadaharu! If we make a wish and it gets granted, then we could show those two stupid-heads and their stupid faces who's _useful_ around here."

Kagura breaks into a run, listens for the reassuring _boom-booms_ of Sadaharu's keeping pace with her, and grins broadly at everyone's efforts to stay out of their way.

***

When Gintoki comes upstairs, he's nursing a stinging cheek from Otose. Ungrateful woman; why couldn't she see that cleaning out the gutters was a perfectly acceptable means of paying the rent? "But anyway," he says to himself, "at least it's taken care of." For another month, at least.

He closes the door and wants nothing more than to flop down on the couch and bemoan his lack of sugar, but he can't do this, because his preferred couch is being occupied by one Shimura Shinpachi. Who has a purse.

This takes a moment to sink in.

"Shinpachi, there comes a time in every man's life where he has to be true to himself and his desires--"

"What?"

"-- and for you, that time is now. If this is what makes you happy, you have my support, albeit from very far away. Now, if you need the same of a good doctor, I'm sure Otose would be able to--"

"What are you talking about?" Shinpachi demands, impatient. "Gin-san, this is for Tanabata. Don't you know that handmade purses like this ask for luck with _business_ \-- something we really need right now?!"

"... Oh. Right, Tanabata. That's today?"

Shinpachi makes a face. "Sometimes I wonder if you have any idea what goes on around you. Your beloved Ketsuno-ana is covering the whole thing."

"Never was the news delivered by one so beautiful," Gintoki proclaims, totally forgetting his favorite newsgirl's engagement.

"Anyway, I'm going to wish and pray for the Yorozuya to prosper, and my sister is going to pray for the family. What are _you_ going to wish for?"

Gintoki digs a finger into his nostril and battles with a particularly pointy booger. "Wishing is stupid. If you want to make something of yourself, _do it_ yourself. It's the only way you'll be grateful, and the only way you're truly understand the meaning of hard work." Victorious, he flicks the pointy offender away.

"Listen to _you_. From the mouth of the laziest man ali--HEY, PICK THAT UP, I JUST MOPPED."

***

The site of the Tanabata festival was bustling with activity. Kagura had to fight hard to keep from being knocked over by over-zealous children racing around unsupervised. She had to fight even harder to refrain from knocking skulls.

"Sadaharu," she starts, hesitant. "Do you think... am I even allowed to make wishes here? I'm not even from this planet."

An encouraging whimper, and then Sadaharu nudges the back of her shoulder with his big head.

"You're right. What are the Amanto doing here if I'm not allowed? Let's get to one of those wishing things!" She hopes it doesn't cost too much to make a wish. She only has a little bit of change left -- and that was supposed to buy her dinner.

As she makes her way through the crowd, Kagura notices she isn't dressed for the occasion. Everyone is clad in kimono, from outright festive to modestly traditional. Amidst the decorations and the wilderness, they paint a beautiful picture.

Kagura feels out of place.

She also can't find her way around.

"Hey, excuse me," she smacks one guy on the shoulder. "Where do you make wishes?"

The man, distracted by the girl he is with, gestures vaguely in a random direction.

"You suck!" Kagura snaps, and stomps off. Sadaharu mimes her, and his stomps are considerably louder. "This is a festival," she bites out, "people are supposed to be happy and helpful to others."

"What if that stupid dog eats our wishes?" a boy Kagura's age wonders to his buddies.

"He'd rather eat _you!_" Kagura shouts back.

Feeling stupid, she marches to the edges of the activities and starts browsing the food stands. Her stomach growls, but she doesn't see any sukonbu. And she's not sure yet if she needs money to buy a wish.

She browses the food section, only half-noticing the looks Sadaharu is getting, and nearly jumps out of her skin when a familiar voice says, "What are _you_ doing here?"

Kagura is in a fighting stance before she knows it, and Sadaharu is ready to pounce. She recognizes Captain Okita Sougo of the Shinsengumi, but that makes her more eager to fight. "It's a festival!" she defends herself. "I'm allowed to be here."

"You don't look like you're here for the festival," Okita admonishes, glancing at her clothing.

She sneers at his outfit: A plain white kimono with a blue obi. "If it's such a problem, I'll take yours." She makes a grab for him, but he steps back out of range.

"So you're here to make a wish? For what, cooking skills? A better personality? Breasts?"

"YOU SHUT UP! It's none of your business! Just... tell me how to make one."

Okita raises an eyebrow. "What's this, your first Tanabata?"

"So what if it is!"

"Well," Okita laments, "I _am_ bored. Maybe teaching you a thing or two about _culture_ will keep me busy awhile."

"I know what culture is!" Kagura shouts. "It's, it's entertainment that involves keeping your clothes on!"

"... That's a start," Okita concedes.

***

"So, people hang their wishes on bamboo?" Kagura asks. She's rather impressed with herself: For about fifteen minutes, she has been walking alongside Okita Sougo, and not a building has been levelled.

"Well, yes, though nowadays people tend to just pin them on trees. A lot of people make decorations said to ask for specific things: Health, love, skills, and so on."

"Did you make a wish? What was it?"

Okita hesitates so briefly, Kagura isn't sure she catches it. "For Hijikata-san's bowels to fail him while in bed with a woman."

"You really hate him, huh," Kagura comments idly.

Okita doesn't answer that, something Kagura might think significant were she not just as quickly distracted by a wonderful smell.

"Soba!" she exclaims. While not her favorite, it is inexpensive and she has enough money for some, as Okita has laughed at her assumption making wishes costs anything but time. "I want some!"

"How infantile," Okita mutters, and reaches inside his kimono -- but Kagura is already running toward the booth.

"One bowl, please!" she asks of the dark-haired man working the stand.

And then someone bumps into her, knocking her a step or two. "Sorry!" the stranger apologizes. "Real sorry, wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"Next time, watch it!" Kagura snaps. "Rude idiot, I should punch you a third eye."

"One moment, please," the soba-stand worker says as the stranger disappears back into the crowd. "Here you go," he presents her with the bowl with a smile.

"Thanks -- Zura?! What are you doing here?" As soon as the words leave her mouth, she realizes she's made a mistake, considering her companion.

"Katsura?!" Okita cries, his blade hissing from its sheath. "You're under arrest in the name of the Shinsengumi!"

Zura throws the bowl of soba at his attacker and shoots a look at Kagura that is equal-parts angry and apologetic. "That's on the house," he says as he turns and retreats into the darkness.

Okita's sword slices through the bowl and Kagura watches mournfully as its contents fall to the ground. Her hand was just going to her pocket to get her money -- and suddenly she realizes, she _has no money_.

"I've been robbed!" she screams, angrily.

Okita doesn't acknowledge this, leaping over the stall in pursuit of the famed terrorist.

Kagura fumes, but not for long. She's over the stall and through the woods, chasing Okita Sougo down until she's in range to leap, land, and stomp on his back a few times.

"You stupid, good-for-nothing policeman," she yells at him, "I _said_, I'VE BEEN ROBBED."

***

"So," Okita says, glaring at her. "Now that you've allowed Katsura Kotaro to get away, you expect me to help you find your petty cash?"

"Don't lecture me," Kagura argues. "You're supposed to protect the people, aren't you? Well, _I'm_ in trouble. Help me." Truthfully, Kagura's stunt had two ulterior motives: One, she felt bad for blowing Zura's cover, whatever reason he may have for operating a soba stand during Tanabata; and two, she wanted to stomp on Okita Sougo.

"Help you what? Get money?" Okita brushes dirt from his kimono. "There's a solution to that: Become a whore. I can ask Xanadu to set you up over at--"

"Shut up! I meant, help me find the guy who picked my pocket at the soba stand. And I can't be a whore; I'm underaged."

"You don't need my help, and you know it."

Kagura tilts her chin up in defiance. "But I want it. Two people can cover more ground, and you have to arrest him, don't you? He's definitely a repeat-offender!"

Okita makes a helpless gesture with his hands. "Fine. But you have to tell me what you want to wish for."

Kagura opens her mouth to tell him where to stick his sword, but decides maybe just telling him isn't that big a deal, after all. "... Food. For Gin-chan and Shinpachi. Because -- I did something stupid."

"Ha," he replies without rancor. "I still think you'd be better off wishing for a better personality."

"Shut your mouth," she tells him, but this time it almost sounds playful.

Okita looks around. "Hey, where's your oversized excuse for an animal?"

Abruptly, Kagura realizes they are short one Sadaharu. "Oh, he probably went after the thief."

Okita's palm finds his face. "Then we'd better find him before he eats the poor man." A sigh. "All this for soba change."

***

As it turns out, their chase across the Tanabata grounds for the pickpocket is very anti-climatic. Actually, when they arrive, no one is happier to see them than the bearded thief himself.

"Please help me!" he begs from his fetal position. "Oh, god, please call it off! I'll never do anything bad again, I swear!" He whimpers like a baby when Sadaharu continues to poke at him roughly with one large paw.

Among those in the gathered crowd are several men wearing swords. One of them comes up to them. "Captain Okita, sir, request permission to take this man into custody?"

"Sadaharu," Kagura calls, "here, boy."

"Get him out of here," Okita orders. "And see to it he returns every bit he stole tonight."

"Yes, sir," the officer acknowledges, and the first thing they do is return Kagura's money.

"Thanks," she says, and pockets it.

Okita raises his voice. "All right, everyone, the show's over. Move along, now. Enjoy yourselves."

As the crowd disperses and the festivities return to full-swing, Kagura says, "I'm still hungry."

A pause, and then, "Want to get something to eat? My treat," he adds, and for a second, Kagura thinks maybe he's an all right guy, until, "because if you want to be a whore, you're definitely need bigger breasts. Got to get some meat on you."

"Shut up," she returns, jabbing him in the bicep. "But no thanks, stupid-face, first I wanna make my wish."

Okita cocks his head, and then says, "I'll go with you. I want to leave mine soon, too."

***

They go to find a tree deep in the woods, away from the festivities. Along the way, Kagura admires all the decorations and slips of paper adorning the forest. "What happens to the wishes after Tanabata? Where do they go?"

"Garbage," Okita answers bluntly. "A clean-up crew goes around in the middle of the night, takes them down, and eventually they're burned."

Kagura stops, blinks. "That's kind of...."

"Pointless? Yeah. This whole wish thing is stupid and pointless. They never come true, and anyone who believes their wishes are read by anyone but the people who throw them away are idiotic dreamers -- but some people need that kind of thing to make them happy." Okita selects his tree, reaches into his kimono, and pulls out his wish.

Kagura turns her back on him and takes out her own wish, carefully written in her square-ish characters on the paper Okita had provided her. "Wishes aren't stupid," she mutters. She pins hers to the tree, then steps back and admires it.

_"Please let my friends Gin-chan and Shinpachi get money for food, or just food. Especially sugar for Gin-chan, because he needs it. Thank you."_

Satisfied, she turns back around and notices Okita staring at his own wish. His back is to her, but he seems... uncharacteristically solemn, kind of sad. Slowly, she creeps closer. When she's able to read his wish over his shoulder, her eyes widen, and something twists in her gut.

"Who's Mitsuba?" she whispers.

Okita doesn't answer, and she feels even worse.

"... Sougo?" she tries.

"Let's go," the Shinsengumi captain says, curtly. "I want to get something to eat before I have to start jotting down notes about the pickpocket for my report."

She watches him walk away for a few moments, exchanges glances with Sadaharu, and then runs to catch up. She remembers the money in her pocket. "Can I buy you a cup of tea? To say thank you?"

"I prefer sake--"

"You aren't even old enough!"

"--but thanks, I'll accept your generosity. In return, I'll buy you a bowl of rice -- if you promise to conduct yourself as a civilized person should."

She pauses long enough to stamp her foot. "I HATE you!"

***

After midnight is the only safe time to wander about the Tanabata grounds without being noticed. The people who were still hanging around were either too drunk to notice much of anything, or staring at the stands they were stuck manning.

Sakata Gintoki makes his way to one of the overused trees, covered with so many wishes, that one more would not even be noticed. He draws his wish out from his kimono and plants it in a jumble of others slips of paper. Just as quickly, he starts back for home, before Kagura wakes up to pee and notices he's gone.

Maybe this year, it will come true.

_"Bankai."_

***

The next morning, Kagura and Gin-chan are awakened by a loud, insistent rapping on their door.

"Hello, hello? Anyone home? I have a shipment here for 'the Yorozuya?' Hello?"

They pad out of bedroom and closet at the same time. "So noisy, this early in the morning," Gin-chan grumbles.

"Who is it?" Kagura mumbles.

Gin-chan opens the door and is greeted with, "Please sign here to confirm receipt."

Not awake yet, Gin-chan scribbles some illegible nonsense and joins Kagura in watching two men walk inside their house and set two heavy boxes down.

"Thank you, sir, have a pleasant day."

"Bye?" Gin-chan ventures, confused. He shuts the door and turns to the boxes. "What the hell?"

The door opens again almost immediately, admitting Shinpachi. "What's going on? Who were those men, and what are those?"

Kagura opens the boxes. One is full of bags of rice, the other with ramen. "Wow!"

"A donation?" Gin-chan wonders. He checks the labels. "No return address."

Kagura suspects Okita, but doesn't have a chance to say anything.

"Excuse me," says a voice coming from behind Shinpachi, who has yet to close the door.

"Yeah?" Gin-chan asks absently.

"Yes?" Shinpachi asks politely.

"I heard you're Freelancers who will do any job?"

Her friends exchange shocked looks.

Kagura says, "Yes."

 

~fin


End file.
